my colored picture in a world of black and white

I really hate it when I crash. A crash physically often leads to a crash emotionally. I think that's the hardest part to deal with too. Yesterday, it almost caused me to give up someone that I really couldn't stand to lose. Two someones, really. I couldn't stand to lose either one. It would destroy me. I depend on them both too much. And I love them too much to lose them.

I am so very very grateful they put up with me, and that they love me in return, and that they saw my struggle with myself and helped to pull me out of it.

I'm still depressed over my health, but...I'm dealing with it again. :)

Sometimes...I get very sick of being expected to be perfect, and failing at it.

I also get tired of hearing things I often don't want to hear. Not "the truth is painful" kind of things, because that's truth and what I'd rather. But rumour type things, I guess. It can still make me feel sad. Not regretful, but sad nonetheless.

This flu or whateveritis crud can go away now. It likely won't for a week or more, but I can wish, y'know? Especially the headaches.. :/

Yet, even with sadness hitting sometimes, and health stupidity, and dealing with sometimes more being expected of me than I can give no matter how hard I try... I also feel content, happy, and loved. Complete, even. And I find that I rather like it. Being accepted for who I am, in the entirety, is such a pleasant change that I'm not sure I could ever really get used to it. That's a good thing though, it means I won't take it...or them...for granted. :)